Hi everyone,
I just wanted to give you all a sample of what this blog is going to be about. I have come to the conclusion that, like many of you out there, or at least I hope some of you are out there, I am a young adult that is completely and utterly frustrated. I heard through the grape vine that writing is cathartic and figured why not share my deepest and darkest fears with a bunch of strangers. Sounds like a great idea! (That I'll probably regret in twenty years, but I'm still young, I have my whole life ahead of me. Or so that's what I'm being told.) So here's the deal. I'm nineteen going on twenty and I am sick of feeling confused. And even more so, I am sick of all the adults in my life telling me that my life will find a way of figuring itself out. My calling, so they say, will come to me in some Oprah inspired "AHHHAA" moment; in some random dream and/or premonition and all will be well in the world. Well.....I have been waiting for that moment for at least five years from the moment in high school when we were forced to take those dreaded "Find the Job That's Right for You" tests. First of all, I have always wondered what wise old soul decided one day to create a test for people who are absolutely lost in life. I mean, is it healthy as a high school to tell your students that a paper can determine who you will be based on what your "strengths and personality" are? Are teachers not part of our lives so they could nourish and push their students to become better than what they are? To overcome obstacles, and never take no for an answer? Another thing that came to me was how the older I become the less I think with my heart and the more I think with my brain, and sometimes I hate myself for it. Think of it, when you are young and someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, you pop up with a big smile and say whatever first comes to mind. I cannot tell you the laughing I do just thinking of my grandfather's reaction to my dreams and aspirations when I was younger. Now picture, a then sixty-something, Greek old man asking his grand-daughter with the heavy Greek accent: "Vat do you vant to be ven you grow up?" The things I came up with were not to his liking. I went through phases as a child. I wanted to be a chef, a veterinarian, an artist. Lucky for him, all those aspirations faded as life and more responsibilities kicked in...except for the artist part of me. Don't get me wrong, my grandfather, like the rest of my family COMPLETELY supports what I'm doing, even though I can sense that they feel as though I am aiming below what my actual capabilities are. So like a proper third generation Greek, living in Canada, but born in the United States, grand-daughter that I am, I am currently studying in Pure and Applied Sciences. YYYaaaayyy!!!!......not. Which is why, in the fall I should be studying International Business. A field I actually love. A field that can give me the possibility of starting my own business, of keeping my creative side, of travelling and exploring the world. Exploring new cultures and how trade works in different countries. So naturally I should be ecstatic. But of course, I am not ecstatic, I am my usual over-analytical, reason oriented, organized, never act on a whim, controlling Capricorn.
Wow that was a lot of ranting. Great to get that off my chest.
As you might very well read, this is no work of art, no Shakespearean writing here. I will not look over my spelling or my grammar seeing as it would ruin the honesty of my rants; which I also hope there will not be many of. I called this blog Curious FantaSEE because I want to get curious again. I want to find my "inner child." My true dream is to become a fashion designer, but I figured I have to start believing before I can make it a reality. So this, hopefully, will be a blog filled with whatever inspires me, and if the idea catches on, I would also want to know what inspires others. I know I am only nineteen, but I feel as though this would be a great way to reach out to other late-teen, early twenty-somethings, who are also as confused as I am.
Stay curious,
Emanuella